So I was thinking about my postpartum days for my previous babies, and I came across this blog post, and it made me remember these days, like it was yesterday! I could totally relate:
A mom who recently gave birth, Saydi Shumway, talks about how she loves the birth process, the support, the attention, the challenge, everything about it. And then, talking about the days following giving birth, this is what she says,
"And then, after a few days coasting on the highs of all that birthing glory and drinking in the beauty of new life, reality sets in. My body is empty and exhausted (and un-showered, sweaty, stinky, engorged and leaking). My brain has turned to mush. My emotions are a wreck. I’m cranky and unkind and my patience is nearly non-existent. And I start complaining and wallowing.
I never feel prepared for this part. Sure, toward the end of pregnancy I remind myself it’s going to happen and going to be hard. But I’m always a bit shell-shocked by the reality of it all.
I have a great post partum team, my mom, Jeff, Jeff’s mom, great friends who are helping on every front. But, in the middle of the night when I’m up with a gassy baby, so tired that I can hardly lift up the little guy, no one is sitting by my side, holding me hand and telling me how totally awesome I am. During the day my kids aren’t standing around me in awe at how I’m handling the pain of those first few seconds of nursing, telling me how great I’m doing. And I’m certainly not telling myself many positive things (I’m mostly feeling pretty sorry for myself and pretty lame that I can’t keep everything together). I don’t feel much glory in the work I’m doing. I mostly feel, well, empty and exhausted.
Sometimes exhaustion brings me my best thoughts and this is the one I had the other night as I was up nursing: post partum work is every bit as hard and demanding as childbirth, and it’s also just as important and stretching and amazing…….and I need to treat it that way. Somewhere in my journey through motherhood I’ve decided to revere childbirth. I need to attach the same importance and glory and respect to the work I’m doing right now."
I recommend reading the rest here.
This is totally the way I felt after my babies came. It was utter exhaustion, struggling, and just crappy! No one told me about how hard this was going to be. Sure, I always heard, "Motherhood is the hardest thing you'll ever do." But I never thought that it would be like this!
No other childbirth class or parenting class told me it would be like this. For me, childbirth was the best part especially since I prepared for it using Hypnobabies Childbirth Hypnosis. But then it just went downhill from there... Somehow, there needs to be a better way for preparing for the shell-shock of what happens next.
I have learned a lot since then though, which I hope I will be better prepared for this time, so I can enjoy my postpartum period as much as my birth experiences.
This time I will:
- Ask for help early and OFTEN... The first two times, it was a pride thing I guess. I didn't ask for help very much, and if I did, it was often too late. I thought I was up for the super-mom award or something, and see how much I could figure out on my own or something, like it was a test. NO! Big mistake. It's OK to be vulnerable and let others see the pain I'm going through and seek help from others.
- Actually listen to my Hypnobabies Breastfeeding Success and After the Baby Comes CD's. I came to love and know from first-hand experience how well hypnosis works, as evidenced from my births. So I don't know why I all of the sudden forgot all about hypnosis after my birth.
- Actually get an in-home visit from a lactation consultant. I had a HORRIBLE time with breastfeeding before, but I really want it to work out this time. I was so embarrassed and shy, I didn't want anybody else to witness me breastfeeding.
- Get help. (Refer to number 1:) But no really, get help with cleaning and cooking, and don't think that I have to be in that super-mom race again, to see how well I can keep house while caring for a newborn. It's OK to let things slide, and for the more imminent items... after-all, we still need clothes and food, so GET HELP and take it slow.
- Above all, connect to source. Connect spiritually somehow, whether it's meditation or prayer, however it works for you to connect to your source. For me, I need to connect to my God and pray, and "Be still and know that I am God." I think I forgot about Him far too many times because I thought that I just didn't have the time, or thinking he forgot about me, or something. Which is silly to think now, because I know he was there every step of the way, and I just needed to look up and acknowledge Him and seek His help. And there's always time for prayer.
- Talk to other moms, or a close friend or mentor. Talk authentically about your feelings, and get support. And remember, in the middle of the night when baby is up and you're frazzled and need someone, God is always up.
So there's my list so far. I'm sure there are other things that I will quickly remember when I am in the thick of this all coming up in October, but I think if I remember these things and take my own advise, this will be a very good start.
